THIS BABY DOLL WILL BE A JUNKIE

I am born short of breath and a depressed child

At age ten, I am being treated with tranquilizers

At age twelve, my sister and me are using pot,
mushrooms, and LSD

At age sixteen, my sister and I start shooting heroin

At age eighteen, I am psychotic for the first time

At age nineteen, I marry a doctor and live as a middle-class housewife
and a junkie

At age nineteen, I am for the first time forced to submit to psychiatric treatment
for psychosis, depressive disorder, addiction, and hysteria

At age twenty-seven, my sister dies of a heroin overdose

At age twenty-seven, I start drinking excessive amounts of alcohol

At age twenty-eight, I adopt my sister’s heroin baby
as my beloved child

At age twenty-eight, I train as a educationalist,
and work with children while on drugs

At age twenty-nine, I am pregnant and stop using heroin

At age twenty-nine, I am hospitalized for nine months, speechless and apathetic,
and being treated for postnatal depression

At age thirty-four, I use cocaine and wander on the streets,
bored and anxious

At age thirty-six, my husband dies

At age forty, I am beaten up and raped by a junkie
who tries to force me into prostitution

At age forty-two, my boyfriend is for the first time found guilty of abusing me
and detained

At age forty-seven, I enjoy wandering on the streets and using drugs
with my boyfriend

At age fifty, my alcoholic father dies

At age fifty, I am clean for the second time in my life, and tired of life
–>

home

Psychiatric Asylums / AMC

metrostation

Nieuwmarkt

Area Clinics for Addictions / Jellinek Kliniek

Dr.Zijlmanstraat

Area Clinics for Addictions / AMC

Area Clinics for Addictions / Valerius Kliniek

Ita Wegmanhuis

Area Clinics for Addictions / Jellinek Kliniek

cemetery

Molensteeg

train station

university / school

kindergarten

Area Clinics for Addictions / AMC

Geldersekade

cemetery


Zeedijk

prison / Bijlmer bajes

Waterlooplein

Nieuwmarkt

cemetery

Oosterpark –>

–>

drop off zones –>

–>

I am my mother’s whipping boy, and an unruly, depressed child

At age six, my aunt and uncle wish to adopt me

At age seven, I am not yet toilet trained

At age seven, I am raped and beaten at the hospital
by the doctor who is treating me

At age thirteen, I run away from home for the first time

At age fifteen, I start drinking alcohol

At age sixteen, my relationship ends, and I try to shoot myself

At age twenty-two, I wander on the streets and go home
in order to drink

At age twenty-nine, I marry my beloved

At age thirty-seven, I wander on the streets, shut up into myself

At age thirty-eight, I want to drown in the sea

At age thirty-nine, I break with my family and my husband

At age thirty-nine, I deny my addiction, resist treatment,
and escape confinement in anxious-psychotic condition

At age forty, I wander on the streets, depressed, neglected, furious,
and ashamed, and drink myself into a stupor

At age forty-one, they keep me asleep for a year

At age forty-four, I for the first time stick out psychiatric treatment,
am being sent away, and end up wandering on the streets
and drinking

At age forty-seven, I live under the protection of a drug rehabilitation program,
can for the first time feel myself, and commit myself to a man

At age forty-seven, I am committed to a psychiatric hospital to be treated
for depression and grow rigid, motionless, with fear

At age forty-seven, my beloved leaves me

At age forty-eight, I live in gloom, without any defense

At age forty-eight, my demented dad, my ally, dies

At age forty-eight I am declared mentally fit, Addicts Care Services arrange admission to psychiatric ward, then I’m chucked out without any explanation and find myself on the street. –>

kindergarten

Keizersgracht

school

hospital / Onze Lieve Vrouwe Gasthuis

Hortus Botanicus

high school

Schinkel

Prinsengracht

Jordaan Prinsengracht

Koggestraat

Nederlandse Bank

Heintje Hoeksteeg

Olympisch Stadion

Area Clinics, Department for Addictions / Valerius Kliniek

Psychiatric Asylum / AMC

Area Clinics, Department for Addictions / Jellinek Kliniek

Cliffordstraat

Vondelpark

Zeilstraat

Ita Wegmanhuis

Area Clinics, Department for Addictions / Jellinek Kliniek

Area Clinics, Department for Addictions / AMC

Area Clinics, Department for Addictions / Valerius Kliniek

Overtoom

platform 2

pub / Wildschut

cemetery

–>

–>

At age six, I am afraid of my addict parents

At age twelve, my father dies

At age thirteen, I take my mother’s medicine and cannabis

At age sixteen, my brother dies

At age seventeen, I start shooting heroin

At age eighteen, my mother dies of an overdose

At age nineteen, I am living in france, homeless

At age twenty-five, I am jailed for the first time

At age thirty, I contract hiv in jail

At age thirty-one, I escape to the Netherlands to avoid being
imprisoned again

At age thirty-two, I fall in love with a junkie and live with him
illegally in Rotterdam

At age forty, I return to Germany for rehab, am treated with methadone,
and start drinking

At age forty-one, I am committed to a psychiatric institution

At age forty-one, I hear that my lover has been shot dead

At age forty-two, I am admitted to a shelter for junkies with
advanced cirrhosis of the liver

At age forty-four, I die while under the supervision of carers
–>

railway station, platform1

central bus station

City Hall Square / Church Square

central park

central shopping area, Bahnhofstrasse

Protestant’s Hospital, Holbeinstrasse

Market Square

Platanenallee

cinema, Massener Strasse

Department for Youth’s Affair, Hansastrasse

Hertingerstrasse

Friedrich Ebert Strasse
–>