THIS BABY DOLL WILL BE A JUNKIE

I am born because my mother is against abortion as a deadly sin

From the age of four my mother hits me violently whenever I ask about my father, who I know nothing about

From the age of nine I play basketball and my mother rewards me

At the age of eleven I defend myself from my mother’s sadistic abuse and humiliation of me

At the age of fourteen I lose any prospect of a career in sport

At the age of fourteen I leave school and am beaten by my sisters and my mother

At the age of fourteen I try to kill myself so that my mother will be rid of me

At the age of sixteen I drop out of my course and help Bosnian refugees in a UN refugee camp

At the age of sixteen I learn from UN peacekeepers to smoke dope and to use XTC and LSD

When I am sixteen my mother forbids me to marry a Muslim Arab

At the age of seventeen I have a job and I can afford to take speed, LSD, XTC, hash, marijuana and magic mushrooms at techno parties

At the age of nineteen I fall in love with the party dealer and we get into a symbiotic relationship

At the age of nineteen I am adopted by my mother-in-law as a much-loved daughter

At the age of nineteen I use heroin as a downer after consuming extreme quantities of cocaine, XTC and speed

At the age of twenty-two I am happy within our junkie relationship

At the age of twenty-two I am clean and happy with the birth of the first of our four children

From the age of twenty-three my husband takes care of the drugs and money and I make sure we have a nice home

When I am twenty-three my mother reports me to the police to get my children taken away from me

When I am twenty-three the police threatens to take my children away if I don’t confess to an offence

At the age of twenty-six I am relieved after my mother’s death and miss the continuation of our conflict

At the age of twenty-nine I am put in a coma while on remand so that I will survive withdrawal

At the age of thirty I take methadone while my husband is in detention and suffer from the unbearable separation of living apart from him

At the age of thirty-two I am sentenced to time in prison, I am clean, and I despair at being separated from my husband and my children

At the age of thirty-two I feel guilty about what my children are suffering –>

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I am the little sister of my dead sister

When I am one year old my parents leave me behind with my grandmother, furious, in the Yugoslavian countryside

When I am five years old my parents come and get me and take me to their guest worker Germany and leave me alone while I go through the lonely adjustment to the strange new place

When I am eleven my father is my confidant and our nostalgia is replaced by prosperity

At the age of fourteen I am not afraid of the use of cocaine among my circle of rich kids

At the age of sixteen I escape to follow a course in the city, far away from my parents’ supervision

At the age of eighteen I marry a Yugoslavian criminal and adapt to a traditional wife’s role

When I am nineteen my husband escapes from a German prison to Yugoslavia, he doesn’t like it there, and I get him to come to Switzerland

At the age of twenty I am living a life of bored luxury and every day I do some money-laundering for my husband’s drugs and arms trade

When I am twenty-five my husband terrorises me with violence and death threats and I start taking cocaine regularly

At the age of twenty-five I abort my unwanted child and try to kill myself

When I am twenty-six my parents come and take me home and have me locked up in a psychiatric institution and my father threatens my husband

When I am twenty-six my husband shoots his way into the institution and frees me, and I use his cocaine, alcohol, crack and heroin

When I am twenty-six I use my power as a wife to put pressure on another dealer and accept lovers with money and drugs

At the age of twenty-eight I lose my Swiss residence permit and deal Swiss drugs in Germany

At the age of twenty-nine I am sentenced to five years in prison in Germany and let myself be carted off to Croatia

While aged thirty and thirty-one I am clean, lead a normal life and am frightened

At the age of thirty-four I deal, and use endless quantities of heroin and cocaine

At the age of thirty-four, I follow my husband to our seaside house, am helpless in the fatalistic use of drugs and allow myself to be terrorised, raped and abused

At the age of thirty-seven I leave my husband and start a relationship with a young Croatian war invalid

At the age of forty I am serving my prison sentence, suffer from Hepatitis C, am clean and will sacrifice kicks for a happy family life

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dropzones Justina Kralj will be updated soon –>

dropzones Josipa Boźić will be updated soon –>

My father is the only person who is pleased that I am born a girl

At the age of two I am surrounded by the god-fearing aunts of my father and of my mother
who sleeps around

At the age of four I want to be a priest and don’t feel at home in the girls’ world

At the age of six I am ashamed of my father, who drinks and swears at my mother,
calling her a tart and a whore

At the age of twelve I run away and stay with my aunt and live a normal life

At the age of fourteen I have to return home and am unable to concentrate at school

When I am fourteen my father is admitted to a clinic and I tell my mother it’s her fault

At the age of fifteen I hang around in the streets, pinch stuff,
start drinking and take my aunts’ tranquillizers

At the age of sixteen I leave school and get a job.
The court threatens to have me forcibly admitted to a reform school

At the age of seventeen I feel sorry for my sick father

When I am twenty my little sister, who I have been taking care of as my own child,
dies of meningitis, aged eight months

When I am twenty my mother sinks into a deep depression and we are all devastated

At the age of twenty-two I am addicted to alcohol and my mother sends me to my aunt in Germany

At the age of twenty-three I try to keep my friends on the island away from drugs

At the age of twenty-five I fall in love with a boy from the drugs scene

At the age of twenty-five I share the feelings of loneliness and isolation in an exchange
of letters with my boyfriend, who is in detention

When I am twenty-seven we both deal marijuana, we are convicted,
and the prison system shocks me

At the age of twenty-nine I am released from prison, I use heroin and deal

At the age of thirty my life consists of heroin, depression, blaming, endless loneliness,
chaos and a sense of solidarity with my boyfriend

When I am thirty-one we are sent to a drugs rehab commune in Spain
and my mother threatens to report me to the police if I break off the treatment

At the age of thirty-one my psychological dependency on cocaine is stronger
than the physical dependency on heroin

At the age of thirty-six I am treated for my hepatitis C while I am in prison

At the age of thirty-six I am in detention for the fourth time, expect to be convicted again,
and am full of fear of life with and without drugs, of sickness, isolation and freedom

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When I am born I am happy to be alive

When I am nine months old my uncle saves my life and loses his own life

When I am two years old, my alcoholic father regularly ill-treats my mother, who is constantly accusing

At the age of three my parents get divorced and I am tormented by my mother’s lover

When I am six, my father hits my mother so hard she ends up in hospital and I am glad that my parents are back together and that we move to the family’s countryside commune

When I am nine we move to the city and I hit the boys who tease me at school

At the age of ten I identify with the love-story of Christiane F

When I am eleven my drunken father says that I am to blame for my uncle’s death

At the age of twelve I drink and smoke dope

When I am thirteen, the boy I look up to rapes me

At the age of fourteen I am happy and doing well at school by using heroin

At the age of fifteen I am in love with a man who is eighteen years older and we each keep our drug addiction a secret from the other

When I am sixteen my parents report me to the police and forbid me to go on with the relationship

At the age of seventeen I am in a depression and deal heroin to provide for my own habit

At the age of nineteen my father reports me to the police and I am sent to prison

At the age of twenty-one I am released and start dealing drugs on a large scale

At the age of twenty-one I meet my husband and introduce him to the drugs scene

At the age of twenty-three I hope that the beneficial effects of the shaman plant Ibogaine will help me to have a child while being free from drugs

When I am twenty-five my daughter is born and my husband is imprisoned

From the time that I am twenty-five, my single father supports me in my drug dealing and I provide him with money to live on

When I am twenty-six my father claims part of the responsibility for my possession of drugs, as a result of which my sentence is reduced

At the age of twenty-seven I am clean and live from one day to the next

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